Well, I never expected my birthday to be as hard as it was. I cried all day! I kept thinking about how perfect my birthday was last year.
We had just found out I was pregnant and we were extremely happy.
This year was totally opposite.
I actually think I should have slept the entire day away instead of going through that.
I know God does not want me to be like this, but it is so hard not to be. I know God isn't going to just forget about me, it's just believing that! I know it, but it is hard to "let go and let God". I feel that's what God is waiting for. He wants me to put complete trust in Him, and to know He knows what I really need. It reminds me of when a parent protects their child from getting hurt by something. The child thinks the parent is so mean, but really the parents are just protecting the child from a bigger catastrophe. I feel like we on earth are like those children. We don't understand why God has done the things he has done, but we have to know that He knows what is best for us, and His will for us is perfect. It is so hard to just trust in God. You know you want to, but our flawed human nature holds us back from this. This is what I have to work on the most, patience and trust.
I am on day 10 of my cycle and I just finished a Novena to St. Gerard.
I pray this will be our month to get pregnant!
I think tomorrow I will start another Novena to St. Gianna. I am really hoping and praying hard!
I am so not good at being disciplined!
I got off my diet for my birthday Friday, and I had started it back today, and then my cousin called me and begged to take me out to dinner tonight since she worked on my birthday.
I was going to be very good and stay on my diet, but I ended up drinking some Cabernet, eating some potatoes, and then I had…….are you ready for this…….Bailey’s infused walnut cranberry bread pudding!
Wow, it was pretty amazing, but I am so mad at myself now for not sticking to my diet!
On another note, I am in a difficult position because I have a friend who is in RCIA and she is also in the process of getting ready to have InVitro done.
Her husband had a vasectomy 8 years ago.
He has 1 son and she has no children, and now she wants to get pregnant.
The doctor told her there is too much scar tissue to get a reversal on his vasectomy, and if they wanted to achieve pregnancy In Vitro is their only option.
I have told her over and over about how it is wrong, why it is wrong, and how she is getting ready to enter into a church whose teaching is that it is an intrinsically evil act.
She doesn’t seem to care at all.
I explained to her that they will be fertilizing a lot of babies and that the babies will have souls the instant they are fertilized.
She said she understood that and that she would not kill the other ones, that she will “donate” them to other people who cannot have children!!!
I just think this is insane! I am desperate for a baby too, and I just went through the death of our first born son……and……. I don’t know if we will ever be able to get pregnant again, but you don’t see me jumping line to get In Vitro!
We all have a moral responsibility, and this isn’t like a “litter of puppies” and she gets to keep the best one and not worry where and who gets the other ones.
Blows- my- mind!
I am just wondering now, what is my moral obligation since I know she is in RCIA to enter the church and she is already going against the church’s teaching?
I am sponsoring my aunt who happens to be in the same RCIA class as my friend.
My friend is super excited about becoming a Catholic too, that’s what breaks my heart about this!
I want her to go talk to the priest about this, but I just know she would never do that.
I am friends with the RCIA instructor and I did tell her my dilemma and she said she would ask Father’s opinion on what to do about it.
I hate being in positions like this.
I wish I didn’t even know what she was doing, but I keep thinking maybe she told me because I am supposed to do something to talk her out of it, or get someone to talk to her about it…..
I don’t know, but I am so confused and worried about her future children that will be “DONATED”!!!
I went to my painting party the other night and had a BLAST!
I just thought I would share what I painted!